Chapter 38: The Absence of Being

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Fading echoes, soft pleading. Quiet, again.

Fading echoes, soft pleading. Quiet, again.

Darkness engulfed her, not the delicate embrace of late evening, but the unfeeling, relentless press of nothing. No sight, no scents, no sensation. No sound but for—

Fading echoes, soft pleading. Quiet, again.

No Touch, no numbness. No warmth or chill, not even the sense of floating. She recognized this. Death.

Death came for her once, wrapped her in cold, sucked her breath from her lungs, left her motionless, panicked. Black had crept around the edges of vision, the desperate shrieks of her mother had faded, and all stilled, disappeared. No hope, no miracle, a mindless soul strangled by terror.

Gone. Lost. Empty of heartbeats that threaded emotion through a lively body. Empty of reason. She wanted warm days with shimmering water, butterflies and flowers back. She wanted to bundle before the fire on cold nights, looking out at the heavy fog bathing everything in diffused grey, only hints of shadows peeking through the gloom. She wanted . . .

Fading echoes, soft pleading. Quiet, again.

“Vantra!”

A crack through the darkness. She knew that voice, one of song and brightness and love.

Another voice, twittering. Don’t leave me!

Leave. There was nothing to leave. Just darkness.

“If you stay too long, he will find you.”

She started at the voice that came from everywhere, drowning out the other two. She did not recognize that lilting, garish tone, one ancient in heavy knowledge and regret, but it tore through the smothering lack of sense and shook her loose from its grasp.

“He succeeded once. Don’t let him do so again.”

Succeeded? What did she mean?

“Follow the voices. They are your guide.”

To where?

“Not to where. To whom. Their search is double-fold. It must end in joy. So follow the voices.”

And why should she listen to this strange, lilting voice?

“Because you know I speak true. Shatter your barriers. They served their purpose. Hurry, before he succeeds again.”

Shatter barriers. What barriers? Nothing but darkness surrounded her. Nothing broke the monotony but the voices.

“Vantra!” The bright voice rang like a pristine bell, and a red-tinged boiling rage answered. While eager to harm, it formed too far away to strike. Repulsed, she turned from it, wanting to flee, but to where? Should she follow the voices?

She focused on them, reached for them. Had she moved? She stretched further, and darkness crackled. She sensed fractures growing and surrounding her, racing up, down, to the sides, around and around, intersecting. A faint glow of greyish purple lit the cracks and grew stronger as the boiling rage neared. Fear glimmered in her as the still darkness crumbled like clumps of wet sand falling through her fingers.

She reached again, felt numbness disintegrate under urgency, and the shadows broke apart as her arm pushed through.

Her arm? Yes. She had an arm.

A subtle tug at her center deflected her wonder. She looked down; a sliver of gold wrapped around blue connected her to that pull, and its insistence strengthened the connection. She grasped it, dragged herself through the shadows, climbed, as the boiling rage filled the emptiness behind her.

The greyish purple slid down the link, encased her arm, and yanked.

The barrier shattered, and she rammed into a shade as dark as the barrier that had surrounded her. He clasped her close, midnight-blue eyes a violent beacon. “Hold on to me, Vantra.”

She knew that voice, too. Gentle in demands, firm in conviction. She forced her arm around his torso, then her other, and pressed against him as the red reached them. The bubbles spitted and popped, sending stringy lengths flying towards them. She shuddered; the darkness that sprayed them was not of color but of absence.

Purple ribbons swirled up from his feet, intercepting the strings and creating a protective shell. Hot lines flared from the strikes but disappeared before they did anything else. Darkness coated the interior, blocking the red, and a roar of unadulterated rage ricochetted around them, the sound pounding like a too-heavy hammer against the defense. The purple bowed inward, and the air vibrated in time with the shuddering of her essence.

The shade laughed, and even though his rage did not equal the anger that attacked them, the battering ceased. They continued to float within the shell long after the assault ended, and despite similarities, Vantra did not fear this void. It had a purpose, that of protection and care, and it succeeded in its task.

The ribbons fell away, and she watched the remnants of rotating purple rays shooting into the darkness, one no longer tinged red. A sprinkle of sparkles, twinkling like stars, waxed into view, illuminating all in a soft, welcoming grey.

Had the red truly disappeared? She peered behind; the glow held its distance, abrasive and destructive death bubbling within it, but the rays reached it and broke it apart. Nothing remained as they soared through and continued on their trajectory.

“What was that?” Had she spoken?

“A well of perversion, guided by an unknown enemy with the stink of decay,” the shade said, his voice caustic and brimming with loathing. “It’s good, you won’t need to reform. The threat waits for that, to take advantage when you’re at your weakest. Come.”

“Come?”

“Yes. Beyond the darkness, there is a tent filled with mist. You’ve been re-energizing, you just need to wake up.”

“She said to reach for the voices.”

“She?” He hugged her closer, to comfort and reassure. “We’ll speak of it in a moment.” Purple formed another shell, one that twirled around them before flinging the ribbons wide.

Vantra gasped, her eyes flying open. The blue faded in intensity, and the shade blended into a man who withdrew and sank back, the ribbons pulling away and sucking into his spine. He sat at the foot of a bed, cross-legged, wearing an untucked black shirt and loose pants, though no boots.

She blinked, touched her head, trying to recall him. She knew him. She did.

“Veer,” she whispered as memory tried to pound down the door to her brain, failing but for a small crack.

He cocked his head and nodded. “Yes, but I prefer Katta in the Evenacht.”

Katta. Tears slid down her cheeks, prompted by unremembered but agonizing mental pain.

“You were out for days,” he told her. “It will take a moment to readjust.”

Days? What prompted her unconsciousness? She rubbed at the tears, then realized she had not thanked him. “You saved me from . . . from that.”

“I think you would have made it without my help, but I’m glad I found you. I now realize we have a subtle enemy.” He ran both hands through his hair, his eyes narrowed, his visage troubled. “A very subtle enemy, but lucky for us, they gorged on anticipation and acted when they shouldn’t have. I’ll create a shell for you, in case you discorporate or get knocked under again. The enemy won’t breach it, and you can reform without worrying about protecting yourself against them.”

“Discorproate? That’s what happened?”

“No, not this time. You were in between consciousness and the darkness that cradles spirits when they re-energize. It’s a place few ever visit.”

“You have?”

“I spent many days within it during my younger years. It cradled my rage until I softened into who I wished to be.” He looked away, to a red tent flap whose panels fluttered in a breeze. Mist filled the air, and the wind snagged some of it and carried it away through the slit. “The between is no longer what it was. I must cleanse it, but that can wait.”

A black ball zipped through the opening and landed on the bed next to her. The palm-sized fluff raised their wings and twittered a sad song as huge tears welled in their eyes.

Don’t leave me!

Rolling over took effort, but she settled on her shoulder, cupped the fluff in her hands, and brought him to her chest. “I won’t leave you,” she promised, though she could not recall why he cared.

“You can understand him?”

She blinked and looked at the man; the vague surprise made her wary. “I heard him calling. He begged me not to leave him. There was another voice, a bright one, pleading. And . . .”

The fluff rubbed the top of his head against her. You won’t leave me. He sounded relieved, if still worried.

“No, I’m not going to leave you.” She nuzzled the soft fur sticking in all directions.

“You heard his voice and a bright one. And what else?” the man prodded.

“A third voice. She said he succeeded once, and that I needed to follow the calls because it must end in joy. I shouldn’t let him succeed a second time.”

He darkened, emotionally, magically; an elfine floated through the mist and placed a hand on his shoulder. The reaction receded, though it did not disappear.

When had she arrived? Vantra had not noticed.

“That sounds like Machella,” the elfine said. Exhausted grey defined her ghostly visage, her eyes and cheeks sunken, her lips a darker shade of blue-black.

“What is her game?” he bit out.

“Being a Sun Oracle won’t save her, considering who’s very angry right now.”

He lifted his lip and growled, as low as any shape-changer.

“There was a tug, too,” Vantra interrupted, releasing the fluff and settling her hand against her chest. “I followed it through the barrier.”

“Barrier?” The man rubbed at his eyes. “When you’ve recuperated, I want to revisit your hiding place, and perhaps you can show me this barrier. As for the tug, I believe that’s the bond with your Chosen.”

Chosen? She knew that name, too. “Laken.”

“Yes.” He looked up at the elfine and patted her hand. “Do you remember her?”

“Kjaelle.” Memory flashed. “The Comkada.”

A hint of a smile lit the elfine’s lips. “Yes. Not my finest moment, losing control, but, well, I was furious, too.”

The fluff twittered at her, hopping back and forth at the edge of the bed and batting at her nose with his wings. “I know you too,” she whispered. “Fyrij.” She touched her forehead. “Memory’s fuzzy.”

“It will return,” Katta said. “Don’t force it.”

“How many days was I there, in that darkness?” She rolled onto her back, feeling wobbly and scattered.

“Near thirty. It took time to find you.”

“Find me?” Had she been lost?

“Your invisibility spell saved you, Jare and Laken from the enemy, but it also hindered us from finding you. We’ll work on that, too, once you’ve recovered. Fyrij may not be around the next time to throw a fit until we pay attention to an unremarkable spot at the bottom of a hole.” He slid his legs over the side of the bed, then patted her calf. “But for now, rest. If you feel weary, sleep. You’ll absorb mist all the same.”

Sleep sounded good. The elfine snagged the blanket Katta had sat on, draped it over her, and helped her readjust on the pillow. Fyrij hopped onto her chest and sang at her before settling down. His head sank into his body, his eyes closed, and a near-immediate, thunderous snore rose from him.

“I’ll bring earmuffs,” Kjaelle said, exasperated.

“Thank you,” she whispered, slumber catching her. She did not think she would need them.


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