Darkness beckons.

What will you choose?

Here, there, then, or now?

The ink-colored starling, beckoning back to the now.

Tipping the balance.

Where do you stand?

Chapter 4

The air was cold. Rain pattered down all around. Sheets of water rolling off the eves above the windows. Streams of rain rolled down the windowpane. The dull light reflected through the streams creating bright little rainbows, creating color in a dull world. Wind battered against the window, the glass vibrating from the dying storm.

Condensation was beginning to build up along the edges of the window. The heat from my fingers creating more condensation along the glass. The outline of my hand smearing the crystal-clear glass. The vibrations from the howling wind just on the other side. Specs of color blurred through the sky. Light only just beginning to flare in the distance. The growing light reflecting off the countless mirrors that floated on the other side of the glass. Hues of blue, purple, and red inking up the mirrors.

The strong aroma of kaffe filled my senses. It brought the illusion of warmth to my body. Warmth spread through me, enveloping me. Nostalgia filled me. The longing for something from the past burned in my chest. That warmth. That sense of belonging and contentment. That cloud-filled sky with rain pouring down onto my face. That cold and crisp air biting at my cheeks. The laughter and chatter from passing specs of color. A tongue of communication that was familiar yet foreign. The rustle of feathers in passing. The bright emerald trees that rustled in the wind, the leaves floating up and away into the great beyond.

A life that had been lived and a life that had been loved. A life that had been left behind. Something greater to be found. Before what was known. Beyond what is already known.

My eyes snapped open. The warmth and the smell of kaffe remained. I was back on the starship the Star Rift and curled up on my bunk. The heavy blanket wrapped around me—the vivid dream, a memory…of sorts. My mind was fuzzy and rumbled. The city of mirrors had always lived in the depths of my mind. It resurfaced occasionally. There was no explanation for this figment my mind had created. It was as vivid as if I had lived it…but I had no recollection of the place that I see.

The city of mirrors had always brought me ease. I couldn’t explain it. It felt like home in a sense. Is it strange to feel a longing for a place I had never seen outside of my imagination? A place I had never walked? I was longing for a place that I didn’t know and wasn’t sure existed. That fernweh-the farsickness-and suffering of the far-off place cut deep through me.

The overhead lights were dim. I rolled over onto my back. The display above me lit up, and lines of symbols appeared—none of which I recognized. I turned my head, expecting to see my brother, but he was not there. I slowly sat up. The smell of kaffe was still strong in the air. I didn’t like the taste of kaffe, but the smell was comforting. I reached up and ran my hands through my hair. My hair was knotted in places; my fingers snagged in those knots. I tried to detangle of few but quickly gave up.

I kicked my blankets off and slid my legs off the edge of the bunk. My feet collided with a pair of boots; I looked down and saw Gabriel’s tall boots. Gabriel rarely took their boots off. They always slept in their boots. It was a sense of security, to be able to run at a moment’s notice that allowed them to decompress enough to sleep.

I slipped off the bunk and stood up, my joints popping as I did. Zeb was absent from his bunk. I was surprised to see Jev in his bunk until I realized that my brother was the one in the bunk. Jaymes was asleep on his stomach, one arm hanging off the bunk, and face smooshed into the cushion. I stretched my arms out. My shoulders were sore, and my neck was stiff from the way I slept. The overhead lights brightened somewhat as I moved. My brother stirred slightly. Part of me wished he would wake up so I wouldn’t have to walk around the ship by myself. I looked across the cabin and saw that both Samirah and Kannan were still asleep in their bunks. I turned back towards my bunk. I wasn’t expecting to see Gabriel. They were curled up against the wall on their bunk, blankets wrapped tight around their body.

Gabriel was known for not sleeping for days at a time, only sleeping deeply occasionally. Anywhere new that we spent the night, they never slept. The cavern was the only place I had known them to be able to sleep deeply. I was jealous of that. Deep sleep always seemed to escape me. I listened to their breathing, deep and steady inhales and exhales.

I took a deep breath. Kaffe and something savory filled the air. I crossed my arms over my chest and headed for the hatchway. The door silently slid open. I stepped out into the hallway, the flooring cool underneath my bare feet. I could hear voices echoing down the corridor. I recognized Zeb’s voice among them. I slowly walked through the corridor towards the cockpit. Light was pouring into the corridor. I stepped into the cockpit. To my right in the galley was Jev. He was standing at the cooktop with several pans sizzling. Aubrey and Zeb were at the pilot’s controls; I could hear them discussing the various features of the ship’s systems.

“Good morning,” Jev said. I looked over at him. He had a utensil in his hand and pushed around a yellow-orange liquid in one of the pans.

“Good morning,” I replied. The light pouring in through the windscreen hurt my eyes. The sol was almost directly ahead, just over the horizon.

“I hope you slept well,” Jev answered. “The noises that the ship makes still wake me up at times. I bet the energy fields of the ship were a little annoying.”

I nodded slightly. “It’s like being constantly…aware. Alert even.”

He exhaled deeply. “I can’t imagine what that feels like all the time.” He set the utensil down on the counter and picked up a mug that had been sitting to the side. He took a sip. The aroma of kaffe wafted over me. I inhaled the scent. It was so calming and comforting. “Do you want some kaffe?”

I shook my head. “I enjoy the smell, but not so much the taste.”

“That’s a shame,” Jev said. “This is a sol roasted blend from Cressida. I stole it off a Saeris soldier in Hael. That makes it even better.” He slurped the kaffe.

I laughed slightly. “It smells really good. Most kaffes are too bitter. I like teas, but I think I am the only one on Aten that does.”

His eyes widened, and a grin crept into his lips. “You’re in luck. Aubrey is a tea connoisseur. Dyane make the best teas.”

Aubrey’s head popped up from behind her chair. She peeked around. “I heard tea.”

Jev snorted. “Yeah, Nash said she likes tea.”

“Ooooo,” Aubrey said as she jumped out of the chair. “What kinds do you like?”

I shrugged. “I’ve never had any great quality teas before. Always the cheap dregs from the empty barrels.”

She smiled. “It will only get better from here.” She leaned over the island counter. “Jevie, can you hand me the silver tin, please?”

Jev reached up into the cabinets over the cooktop, pulled out a small tin, and handed it to Aubrey. She reached under the island counter and pulled out two mugs and a spoon. Jev pulled the kettle from the corner and set it next to Aubrey. Jev pulled two little silver pyramid-shaped objects from the cabinet and handed them to Aubrey; she pulled the bottoms off and spooned the loose tea leaves into them. She set them in the mugs and picked up the kettle. She poured the hot water into the mugs, steam billowing up from the mugs. She pushed one towards me.

“Let is steep for a few ticks,” she said. “I love strong tea and let mine steep fairly long. There is some creamer and sugar if you need it to be sweeter.” I nodded. Aubrey cocked her head sideways as she looked at me. “You have sand in your hair. Do you want to take a shower?” I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Aubrey pushed off the counter and walked over to me. She grabbed my hands and pulled me towards the corridor. We walked to the fresher. Aubrey pulled me into the fresher after her; the floor was warm under my feet. There was a large mirror set above the washbasin. There were two doors at the back of the room: one black grey and the other opaque white. Aubrey walked over to the opaque door. It slid open at her touch. Inside was the shower.

~ ~ ~

I pulled on the clothing that Aubrey had left me. The tunic was slightly oversized, the sleeves too long. It felt so good to be comfortable. I stepped out of the shower and back into the main fresher. Addi was standing at the basin, the water running and soap on her face.

“Good morning,” she said, then splashed water on her face. Her red hair was tied up into a knot on the top of her head, several strands escaping the tie.  

“Good morning,” I echoed. I scrunched the towel in my hair, trying to finish drying it.

Addi shut the water off and used a small towel to dry her face. “Breakfast is ready.” I nodded and stepped out into the corridor. It felt even brighter out here. I stepped through the hatchway, Addi right behind me. Jev was still in the galley. He was transferring the contents of the pan into bowls. He picked one bowl up and held it out to me. There was a yellow-orange scramble on top of what looked like fried hash browns.

I picked up a utensil as I leaned against the counter. Addi took her bowl and flopped down at the comms console. She kicked her feet up onto the console. I saw Aubrey’s eye twitch slightly. I stabbed at the scramble. The flavor was nothing I could ever remember having before. It was savory. There was a blend of spices as well. I could not get over the taste. I had grown so accustomed to bland food over the years.

“We make Jev cook,” Addi said, noticing the big bite I was taking. “I may have been trained as a royal handmaiden, but cooking was never a strong suit.”

Aubrey snorted. “I remember when you set off the fire suppression system in the palace.”

“We do not speak of that!” Addi squeaked. Jev snorted and pressed his hand over his mouth. Addi shot him a glare. Aubrey giggled from her seat.

“Where did you learn to cook?” Zeb asked. “This reminds me of the breakfasts my Ma would prepare.”

Jev grinned slightly. He had crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the hull. “I was left alone a lot growing up. Crackers and sandwiches didn’t always cut it. I learned to cook so I wouldn’t starve. It’s one thing that I actually enjoy doing.” There was a slight twinge in his voice.

“You are very good at it,” Aubrey said. “I appreciate you. I hate food that has been zapped. It gets old so fast.”

“I still can’t believe y’all lived off zapper food for years,” said Jev, rolling his eyes.

“I’d be a useless housewife in more ways than one,” Aubrey said. She set her bowl aside on the control panel and leaned back in her chair. She scanned the windscreen display. Addi, finally realizing what her sister said, snorted.

There was shuffling from down the corridor. Samirah came briefly into view before she slipped into the fresher. The others were stirring. I glanced back at Jev. He was moving things around on the counter in front of him. I stabbed the last bit of scramble with my utensil. I cut a piece of the hash browns; it made a satisfying crunch. The salt made my mouth water. The potato was seasoned with an almost spicey favoring.

“I take it that you like it,” Jev’s voice came drawing me back to the present. I looked up at him. He was grinning slightly. I nodded as I continued to chew the food.

“It’s been a very long time since I’ve had a homecooked meal,” I told him. “None of us are good cooks.”

He chuckled. “My mother always believed a good meal could fix any problem.”

A pang shot through my heart. I forced a smile. “My father used to say something sweet made everything better.”

Jev grinned. “I wholeheartedly agree.” He held up his mug as if he were making a toast. “Our parents knew of the power of good food.” He laughed slightly and leaned against the counter.

Samirah exited the fresher and walked into the cockpit. “Good morning,” she said. On cue, Jev held out a bowl for her. She looked a little surprised but smiled and took the bowl. She whispered her thanks and came to stand next to me at the counter. Jev set a steaming mug in front of her. I looked back at my mug. Steam still rose steadily from it.

I gripped the mug and held it up to my mouth. A strong earthly smell filled my nostrils. There was a faint minty scent. I took a small sip. The liquid was still scalding. Earthy flavors swirled in my mouth. It was slightly smoky and rich. It was many times better than the dregs I have had in the past.

Samirah glanced back at Aubrey and Addi. “What are the plans for today?”

Aubrey shrugged. “Overthrowing the Saeris Empire, I hope.”

“Breaking shit,” Jev said. “She would like to break some shit.”

Addi sighed. “I’d rather go back to bed.” Zeb made a sound that was a cross between choking and a snort.

Samirah grinned. “Solid plans. I approve.” She picked up her mug and carefully slipped the hot liquid, the aroma of kaffe becoming stronger. A pang of nostalgia filled me again. The endless reflections of mirrors flashed in my mind. I needed to know of that place.

Kannan appeared in the hatchway. Jev was ready, holding out a bowl to him. Kannan gave him a faint smile as he took the bowl. I pressed closer to the hull, making more room for Samirah and Kannan. I heard some shuffling from the corridor. The grunt that followed a loud thud told me that it was my brother. Jaymes appeared. His inky black hair was sticking out in odd angles like he had been electrocuted. I swear I did nothing. That was all him. Jaymes stumbled into the cockpit. He reached up and rubbed his eyes.

“Good morning,” said Jev, “I think.”

“This ship makes too much noise,” my brother mumbled. He stumbled over to the jumpseats and flopped down. He rested his elbows on his knees and pressed his palms to his eyes.

“Is our blonde Sleepwalker awake yet?” Aubrey asked.

Samirah raised an eyebrow and looked back at her. “Do you mean Gabriel?”

Aubrey nodded and brushed her hair behind her ear. Her silver hair shining in the sol light coming in through the windscreen. “They have fixed our problem with retrieving your trekker.”

Kannan pursed his lips. “How did Gabriel fix that problem?”

Aubrey shrugged. “I don’t know the details. They did not invite me. Around half-past first rotation, Gabriel paced around the cargo hold for a good while. They then disappeared. I have the ship set to monitor and track heat signatures inside and within a certain radius. I got an alert when they left. They were gone for several hours. Around pass four, the monitor picked up on their heat signature outside. They spend a couple of ticks bringing things into the cargo hold. The trekker is right outside.”

Kannan let out a deep sigh. “The middle of the dark cycle is the perfect time to try and steal something back. Gabriel put thought into this.”

“Sooo,” Zeb began, “the biggest problem we faced is solved. So, what now?”

“Breaking shit, I hope,” Aubrey muttered.

“We start plotting,” my brother said, “against the Saeris.” He leaned back in the jump seat. He ran his hand through his hair, only making the styling worse.

“Well,” Kannan said, looking at Aubrey and Addi. “You all have done a lot of reconnaissance. Where or what would be a good place to hit first?”

Aubrey bit at her lip. The sol was fully above the horizon now, a finger’s width above the jagged rock line. The light illuminated Aubrey’s hair, a halo around her head. Addi tapped on the comms console. Aubrey raised her hand, and with a flick of her wrist, a globe hologram flare to life in the space between us. A little dot blinked. Aubrey rotated her hand and made a fist; the map zoomed in on the dot.

“This is us,” Aubrey said. She opened her hand. The map zoomed out slightly. Several more dots appeared on the maps. “These are Saeris military bases.”

“Remote training bases,” Jev said, “with large amounts of vital data. Low security and poorly trained soldiers. Saeris are some of the weakest soldiers in this universe.”

“Are you suggesting that we attack a Saeris military base?” Kannan asked; there was a slight tinge of apprehension in his voice.

Jev bit at his bottom lip. “Yes. Unfortunately.” He gestured to Aubrey. She flicked her hand, and the map zoomed in on one location. “This is Ryver, a training base. It is home to the least useful Saeris soldiers in the universe. This is where Janus sends the conscripted that they don’t actually want and the commanders that have dishonored them. Buuuut, it also happens to house a rather large vital data server. The remoteness of the base makes it the perfect location for a data server, and with its inhabitants, no one would expect vital information to be housed here.”

“So, we break into the server and steal information?” Zeb asked. He sounded intrigued but slightly concerned.

“Uh, yeah,” said Jev. He grinned slightly.

“And hopefully cause some damage,” Aubrey added. Jev shrugged and nodded in agreement.

“How do we do it?” Jaymes asked. “This is breaking into a Saeris military compound.”

Jev sighed softly. “The server is on the edge of the administrative center.” Aubrey stuck her index finger up and gestured in a downward motion. The globe hologram shifted to a compound layout. Buildings and pathways appeared. One building flashed. “The admin building,” Jev said. A second building began flashing alongside the first. “The server. If we can get into there undetected, we can take the data.”

“And how do we get in?” asked Jaymes. “How do we access the servers?”

“That is the problem we have had for months now,” said Addi. “My shapeshifting power isn’t enough to get me inside.”

My brain seemed to whirl. “Gabriel,” I said. “They can get us inside.”

“Jev’s original plan was for someone to create a diversion,” Addi said. She glanced over at me. “He kept saying something about an electricity manipulator that was running laps around the Saeris in Hael. But a teleporter would be much more discrete.”

I watched Jev roll his eyes. “You are more well known than you realize, Nash,” he said. I don’t know how I felt about that. I didn’t think I was worth anyone's attention.

“Okay,” my brother said, redirecting the conversation, “that solves getting into the base if Gabriel agrees, but how do we get into the server itself?”

Jev shrugged again. “Once inside, all we have to do is access the network. I have some ident codes that can be used to get into that system. From there, it’s easy to hack into the remaining systems.”

Samirah set her mug down. “You are very confident in that.”

Jev nodded. “I’ve been hacking into one system after another my entire life. Human, Zahren, Saeris, Aten, and Janus. It was fun to change soldier orders and watch chaos ensue.”

“That’s why we get along well,” Aubrey said. “I took down the entire Oberonian communication system when I was five because I was bored.”

Samirah made an expression that I can only say screamed, “what did I get into.”

“If Aubrey says he’s good,” Kannan began, “then he’s good. I’ve seen firsthand some of what Aubrey did for fun.”

“Jev is very good,” Aubrey said. She flicked her hand, and the map began rotating. It morphed into course charts.

“So, when do we leave?” I asked.

Aubrey smirked. “I really like you. I am ready to leave right now, but everyone on this ship must be in agreement on this. Including our sleepy blonde friend.”

I felt multiple eyes on me. “Why do I have to wake them?” I groaned.

“Natalia, dear,” Kannan began. “If you haven’t noticed, you are the only person that Gabriel will willing do anything for. If you ask, they will do it without hesitation.”

My fingertips tingled; little tendrils of electricity had begun to seep through the steel paneling of the hull. Nerves began to knot in my stomach, and I did not know why. This was Gabriel, right? This wasn’t jumping blindly into battle. I gave everyone a slight nod and muttered in agreement. I pushed off the counter and walked to the corridor. My feet making heavy footfalls I as went.

I half hoped the door would not open, but the cabin door slid open on cue. The lighting flickered on, casting a low light on the room. I glanced up at the bunk to my right as I entered the cabin. I couldn’t see Gabriel, but I could hear their soft breathing. I walked around to the side of the bunk. Gabriel was still curled up against the wall. I gripped the edge of the top bunk and bent my knees.

I jumped effortlessly up, my knees sinking into the cushion. I almost hit my head on the ceiling. I inhaled deeply and crawled closer to Gabriel. I reached out and put my hand on their shoulder, and gently shook them. Their name was on my tongue when they jerked away. A sharp gasp echoing through the cabin. They jumped up; they had pressed themselves into the corner with their back to the hull.

I held my hands up in front of me. “It’s me, just me,” I murmured. Their silvery eyes met mine. An exasperated sigh slipped out as they leaned back against the hull.

“Fuck, just let me sleep.”

“I know, I know. I didn’t want to wake you up, but this ship operates unanimously.”

“Am I in trouble for retrieving the trekker?”

“No, we’re-“

They cut me off. “Whatever it is, I agree. Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Gabriel.”

“Natalia.”

I groaned and rolled my eyes at them. “There’s a Saeris base with an important data server. We want to break in and take that data. The ship doesn’t go anywhere without everyone in agreement. What do you say?”

They sighed and pressed their palms to their face. “Okay,” they muttered, their voice muffled by their hands. “But I need some sleep before this. I won’t be of any help if I’m half dead.”

I couldn’t help but grin. “Okay. Rest, and we will go over details later.” I started to move away from them, to jump back down. Their hand wrapped around my wrist.

“Stay a little longer.”