After several hours passed since Billy left, all he could do is pace around in his empty bedroom while Guan Yu go out to search him, Morgan had also assured him that the blonde would return any moment either later or tomorrow, an optimistic view on the subject which he found questionable when she didn't seem so caring about his friend by the fake tone of her voice.
He is to anxious about the thought of losing someone again, not only had he lost his adopted father but also the best friend Seth had back in the kingdom before everything went to hell; if Billy died or got hurt in someway, it will make him devastated by the thought of having to go through the process of loss again.
Sweat profusely appeared from his forehead and palms, he is sweating far more than usual because of the stress and anxiety that is in control of his body and mind. He was constantly shaking for unknown reasons, he clenched and unclenched his hands repeatedly to alleviate this problem but nothing seems to be helping at all.
She promised to search him tomorrow for they are all to exhausted from the scene they've been through and Seth is unsure of whether Billy wants to return, though the old warrior strongly disagrees to the notion due to his belief that the young cowboy will inevitably return at any time.
But how could she be so sure? Don't those two realize that Billy can be killed by dangerous beasts roaming in in the wilderness? Concerning thought and the most plausible theory as well, so why is he still in home and not accompanying with Guan Yu? Is he frightened by the monsters outside or is he hesitant of reuniting with his friend?
"I need to go," he can't stay here forever and let the problem sorts itself out, it is something he should of done the moment his friend left; how lazy is he for being in bed when Billy is endangered of being hurt? But he can't let guilt overshadow his thoughts, "I can't afford to do nothing," reasoning himself with justifiable excuses while glancing at the crucifix in his right hand.
It is true he wants to hate him for everything the young blonde boy had done to him but having remembered the words of his proclaimed mother, hating someone isn't good and neither is it bad but that is a personal opinion. It is not a sin to dislike a person, but it is a sin to want to inflict harm on them.
And he never wants to harm anybody, it isn't in his nature and will to do something like that for Seth is better than being petty and bitter towards people who had done the worst possible things towards him, "I need to find him before he gets hurt," he muttered to himself, "I know he is violent and rude, but if God is able to forgive in showing mercy to the wicked, why can't I?"
Another justification and good point to counter his arguments, Seth must go to woods and rescue Billy with Guan Yu from inevitable death in the woods by possible nightly predators that would gladly make meal of them. So with determined mind, he was ready to leave his room.
Stopping in the middle of his bedroom, facing directly at the door; he relaxed his breathing by inhaling and exhaling the air to control his heartbeat, "I can do this," encouraging himself in believing that nothing will harm him or his friends, "it will all work out," reassuringly to ease his worries, "I promise..." Trying at convincing his fear of being useless.
"...I will save him," carefully approaching the door with heavy heart, he take careful steps while holding his golden cross if his life depended on it, "I will save Billy," whispering promise to rescue him before landing himself close to the door, staring deeply at the knob with extreme focus and contemplation.
Billy would want him to be strong or independent just like him, to grow in becoming man but Seth still has problems in himself that can't be easily solved nor forgotten. With that in mind, he is capable of pushing these boundaries in the hopes of doing the right thing, "I must be brave and not scared of what I'm about to face," steeling himself for what he is about to do.
If he doesn't act to solve a problem presenting itself in front of him, then it wouldn't go away unless he personally takes care of it himself. He knows deep down, relying on others everyday is never going to fix him or make him stronger in being independent person, "I need to move," he told to himself in low tone, "I need to take responsibility for what I have caused," blaming himself for making his friend leave.
But as try he might, his own arms wouldn't move from their places; fear held him still, paralyzed from the fear of opening the door that is inches away from his touch to escape his comfy zone, "Coward," the familiar and not so comforting words spoken to him in his mind.
"Weakling, pathetic, crybaby and sniveling wuss."
Billy's comments reverberated throughout his skull of remembering those awful things he heard back in their previous argument, "pathetic," his voice still echoed, "that's what you are," making Seth flinched from hearing it, "that's all you ever were," speaking so clearly in his head that he can imagine the young cowboy being present with him.
However, despite all the hurtful words; they strangely did the opposite. He felt understanding of the harsh criticism as they are mostly accurate. If one wants to achieve their goals, they must be willing to sacrifice or atleast overcome the fear that inhibits them to progress by acknowledging the problems he or she suffers from.
Standing here feels like forever, still contemplating of what to do next even though he is prepared to get out of this bedroom and head into the woods at this late hour; but his own inner fear and anxieties are there, holding him back in doing anything at all. He doesn't understand why he's acting like this, why is he so nervous and uncertain about it?
"God," tightening his grip on the crucifix with calming breath, "help me be brave and get through this," asking for the Lord to bless him with strength, "I don't want to be scared anymore," muttering to himself as his left hand reached towards the door knob, "show me what it is to be courageous and unafraid," wanting to experience what it's like to be man.
Applying some amount of strength to turn the knob, it made Seth take a step backwards with trembling fingers along of having his heart, beating rapidly. More sweat trickled down from his forehead as the nerves began to build up with the feeling of his own palm getting moistened by the second.
Shaking from the overwhelming anxiety, his resolve is stronger when God is watching, "please help me," he pleaded while grasping the metal in his hand, "I don't want to be weak, please," wishing for strength, "please," continuing to say prayers as he slowly turned the said knob.
Just when he opened the door, Seth nearly screamed at the top of lungs when Morgan appeared out of nowhere; standing outside of his entrance, seemingly frowning at him with her spear in hand; "what are you doing?" She asked in demanding tone, "don't tell me your going after him?"
"Um," he took a step back from her with bewildered eyes, "well, yeah," answering her in awkwardness, "I can't stay in bed doing nothing while he's out there," reason to himself, "I need to find him and make sure he's safe," speaking his own words but it only earned a sigh from the woman.
His first thoughts was how did Morgan knew what he was planning, especially when she was spying him outside of his bedroom! Little strange to assume so, but it seems very likely she was aware of it or was concerned about his safety after seeing the argument between him and Billy.
Like a worried mother that she was, Morgan was probably more than concern of his health or state of being, "but..." he was finding a way to better explain his reason for wanting to leave, "he is my friend," expressing his concerns in regards to Billy, "I have to find him, Morgan, I don't know what I'd do if something happens to him," making her scowled at this reason.
"Can we talk about this downstairs?"
Her disappointment expression soon shifted to a blank slate, nodding in agreement, she beckoned him to follow her which he agreed. The two walked through the hallway and made their way to the stairwell, with Seth occasionally following behind.
As they headed downstairs and into the living room where there is couch at the fireplace; the two then sat in opposite directions, staring at the flame flickering in front of them in silence. Morgan's posture was stiff while Seth's was slouched. Neither said a word for a long time, merely gazing at the fire's glow.
After several seconds had passed, she then finally asked him; "why are you bent in saving someone who hurt you?" Morgan asked in confusing tone, "he bullied, verbally and physically abused you, hasn't he?" Raising the question to him that made Seth quickly answered back.
"Yes," he answered her question, "yes, he has but-" before he could continue, the witch then interrupted him of her own accord. "So, why are you trying to rescue him?" She questioned in exasperation of his reason to help that child who hurt him, "just so that he could bully and abuse you again?" Understandable for her to feel that way.
"I...I already forgiven him," the words spoken from his mouth had made her left flabbergasted by the reveal, "there is still good in him," explaining himself of what sees in the rebellious teen, "even though Billy is violent and a little rude but that doesn't mean he is evil," trying to convey the message in good terms.
She focused on his face, too confused and bewildered by such statement. What Seth said was just ridiculous to her, "his your enemy, Seth," sounding logical for her to think this way, "an enemy is an enemy, and it is not right for us to assist them in whatever they're doing," further pointing out her views on the situation, "when you have enemies, it would be reasonable to—"
"No."
The sudden interruption stopped her of finishing sentence, "what?" Asked Morgan, curious of why he had stopped her, "what did you mean by 'No'?" Her confusion turning into conflict of hearing him out. The teenager stared straight ahead, ignoring all other distractions as he then spoke softly in a solemn manner.
Exhaling through his nose, he sighed in exhaustion before responding. He looked away from her gaze and glanced down at his golden crucifix, fiddling it like a nervous tick. He was trying to come up with the words to express the reason for his decision.
When he finally found the appropriate words to describe it, Seth took a deep breath once more and raised his head up. Looking directly into her purple eyes, proceeding to explain himself in simple, easy to understand manner.
"I don't hate anyone," his answer was simple yet clear, "because there is no reason for me to feel that way, hate is poison that pollutes our souls," continuing to elaborate his explanation on why he chose to forgive, "it brings obsession and misery. There is no sense in being hateful," concluding what he believes in.
That is what his mother wanted him to think. And for once, he understands the value of not holding grudges, not being spiteful, or carrying resentment towards another person. He truly understands that this is not the correct way to handle his problems and as such, he wants to be better than this.
Closing her eyes, she lowered her head, processing the information given while being deeply conflicted about what he said, "Seth," she started to speak again after what felt like minutes, lifting her chin up once more. There was uncertainty in her voice from what she heard.
"How is that even possible?" Looking at him in the eye, "no one is capable of not having hatred within them, not even myself," admitted Morgan of having grudge on her enemies. She then proceed to add that, "there's no shame in admitting it," believing there is still hatred in his heart.
Though her words made sense and struck a cord within him, he simply smiled kindly as he stood up, staring at the dancing fire in front of him with such sadness that surprised her, "there is nothing wrong with hatred, but it will never help fix the issues," revealing what his mother taught him, "all it does is lead people into darkness and despair," finally stating what he really thinks.
Silence crept on the atmosphere, lasting few more seconds before he continued, "and I'm going to save my friend whether you or he likes it or not," determined to accomplish his goal while the woman sat in silence, too focused on the message his conveying.
He closed his eyes for moment, "I love all of you," his voice calm and steady, "Billy too, they are like my family," the tone of voice didn't waver, "people who I don't want to lose," Opening his eyes, he turned to face her with persisting smile.
Eyes beaming of kindness, a sight she rarely seen but always appreciated; seeing a boy this kind and generous reminded her of someone she can't remember. It is nice to have some hope in this dark and cruel world, and she felt honored that she met someone who is this pure.
"So will you help me, Morgan?"
