Valiant: Tales From The Drift

[Tails #30: The Drifter Deposition]

Log Date: 11/23/12764

Data Sources: Vaunted Archives

Witness Log 12764-11-23-Soiruxia-1840

Location: Vaunted Enclave, Eplekaker System

11/23/12764

Hunter Nochrin: Are we recording? Recording? Good. Alright, today we are… taking depositions for the warehouse collapse incident yesterday— was it yesterday? We’re using the galactic calendar, not the local calendar. It was yesterday according to SGT? Okay. Taking depositions for the warehouse collapse incident that occurred yesterday in the Rujhad Superchamber on Soiruxia. First witness to be deposed will be Lysanne Callah Arrignis, a Preserver contracted with CURSE—

Lysanne: Oh, just for the record, we were working independently; this wasn’t a CURSE assignment. Independent contractor work.

HN: …so do you work for CURSE, or the Preservers, or…?

L: Both. I’m a Preserver, trained at the Academy, but I’m contracted out with CURSE. But the job we were doing here wasn’t a CURSE assignment, it was more of a Preserver thing. Busting a parting ring. Or at least that’s what it was supposed to be.

HN: Pick a story and stick with it, lassy. So was this CURSE business or Preserver business?

L: Preserver business. Sort of.

HN: I’m gonna count that as a yes, as far as the paperwork’s concerned. And you said you were trying to bust a what, again?

L: A parting ring. It’s an operation that poaches arcane creatures, kills them, and dissects them to sell their parts on the black market. Often it’s endangered magical species; sometimes they’re humanoid and sentient.

HN: Sounds like standard Preserver stuff to me. And you were told there was one here on Soiruxia?

L: That’s what we were told. It turned out to be a lie.

HN: A lie? So there was no parting ring?

L: No, it was a trap. Meant to lure us in so they could kidnap one of us.

HN: And by ‘us’, you’re referring to your coworkers. The redneck Venusian, and the other Preserver.

L: And Kaya. The morphox.

HN: Right, her. The one you say was kidnapped.

L: She was kidnapped.

HN: Got it. I see your adjutant filed a missing persons report for her. Very thorough with the description and even provided pictures for the missing posters.

L: Showing you guys what she looks like will make it easier to find her.

HN: Of course. Would you mind walking me through how she got kidnapped?

L: Well, the redcoats had hidden a paralyzing seal on the floor of the warehouse, which triggered when we snuck in the back door and walked over it—

HN: Wait, redcoats? Explain that.

L: The people that ambushed us, they were in red coats.

HN: All of them?

L: All of them, yeah. It was a specific style of coat. Long, went to their ankles. The ends were split, angled, and dipped in white, like they were supposed to resemble fox tails.

HN: You don’t say.

L: Look, are you gonna let me finish?

HN: I’m just trying to get the details so we can figure out what happened.

L: I’ll tell you what happened if you stop interrupting me.

HN: Alright, go ahead. You were saying you walked over a paralyzing seal.

L: Yes, and it did exactly what you would expect it’d do. The redcoats came out immediately after, and went straight for Kaya. They brought nakterite cuffs and a collar with them, and I think they had sedatives too — it was hard to tell because I was stuck in place and couldn’t turn my head or anything, but it looked like they had hypodermics. And they had a weird staff as well, it was made of this white wood, but the bark was sorta transparent? And it glowed, and they handled it really carefully.

HN: All of that just for your friend?

L: Yeah, they didn’t use any of it on the rest of us. They brought all that stuff for her. I think they drugged her up and then cuffed her — I couldn’t see what all went down because she was behind me — but when they came past me again, they’d cuffed and collared her, and they were carrying her because she was unconscious.

HN: And where’d they take her to?

L: Back into the warehouse, in the direction they’d come from. They went around the shelves and we couldn’t see them after that point. I did hear a vehicle starting up, so I guess that’s what they used to leave, but we were still stuck on the seal, so we couldn’t see what kind of vehicle it was.

HN: And that’s it? They didn’t say anything to you? They just grabbed your friend and left?

L: Yeah. They got in, got her, and got out. They said a few things to each other, but it was mostly just orders. They didn’t say anything to us, and even if they did, we wouldn’t’ve been able to say anything back, since we were paralyzed.

HN: Alright, so people in red coats that didn’t explain their motives. Did you at least get a look at some of them? Give me details. Species, skin color, hair color, physical build, all that stuff.

L: I mean, it was a mix, I guess? Humans, I saw at least one elf, an orc, I think at least one Halfie. It was a mix. Mostly humans and elves though.

HN: It couldn’t be easy, could it. And what happened after they got in the vehicle?

L: They drove off, but while they were leaving, there were explosions, like they were setting off charges as they went. Shook the whole warehouse, and then it started falling, and then we felt it hit the surface of the lava lake and started sinking.

HN: Suppose that explains how the warehouse ended up in the lava lake, but you were still paralyzed, right? Or did that conveniently go away when they left?

L: No, we were still paralyzed. We weren’t able to move until lava started to melt past the shelving units. And before you ask, no, I don’t know how we got free. One moment the seal was active on the floor; the next moment it’s smudged and broken. And I wasn’t going to stay and play detective when the warehouse was busy sinking into the lava lake.

HN: So you were conveniently paralyzed from the moment you stepped into the warehouse, and only got unparalyzed after it started sinking into the lava.

L: And our friend got kidnapped during that time, so I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘convenient’. Speaking of which, what are you all doing to find her?

HN: We’re working on it. This only happened yesterday, so we’re still in the information-gathering phase, which is what we’re doing right here—

L: Seems more like an interrogation to me.

HN: Well ma’am, an entire warehouse got dropped into a lava lake and a lot of property and the product stored in it was lost. That’s something that we also need to get to the bottom of.

L: And that’s more important than the fact that someone’s been kidnapped? Actually don’t answer that, we’re in a Mercurial system. I don’t know why I expected anything different.

HN: Look ma’am, the Vaunted and the local police are just doing their jobs. Let’s get back on topic. So after you and your friends broke free of the paralysis seal, how did you get back across the lava lake to the shore? Seems like it would’ve been a long way to walk on lava.

L: We made a path of hardened lava back to the shore. I’ve got a deck of element cards, and there’s a twenty-five percent chance I’ll pull a water card every time I draw from it. I just kept pulling cards, and hitting the lava with them every time I came up with a water card.

HN: Seems a little risky.

L: Well it certainly wasn’t ‘convenient’.

HN: And after you made it back to the shore…?

L: We called local authorities. And the Vaunted got involved after that, and you know the rest from there.

HN: Alright, now let’s rewind. Help me fill in some of the gaps here. This whole thing was because you were trying to bust a parting ring, but you got into the warehouse and there was no parting ring?

L: I mean, maybe there was, maybe there wasn’t? It’s not like we got to see much of the warehouse; we got trapped five seconds past the door, and when we did get free, it was to immediately turn back around and escape before the entire warehouse sunk into the lake. We were told there was a parting ring there, and a lepidopteran that needed to be rescued, so that’s what we were there to do.

HN: A lepi… lepi-what?

L: Lepidopteran. Butterfly person. Think, like, a giant fairy. Or, well, a person-sized fairy.

HN: So you went to this abandoned warehouse to rescue a giant fairy.

L: Look, we were told there was a parting ring and a lepidopteran that needed saved, and the story checked out. Dandy did the background check, or at least as much of a background check that she could do for a couple of Ranters. They gave us no reason to believe it would be a trap, so we had no reason for us to not do what it is that Preservers do. Which is protect and preserve arcane creatures.

HN: So somebody else told you about this parting ring. Asked for your help with it?

L: Yes. A couple of elves. One was half wood elf, I think, the other was a high elf. Both of them claimed they were Ranters, from one of the colonies. Of course, I don’t even know if that’s true, since clearly they were lying about the parting ring and the lepidopteran…

HN: Tell me more about these elves, then.

L: Their names were Tinker and Amagi. Amagi was the half wood elf, Tinker was the high elf. They originally approached us while we were doing a species transfer on Pallus, in the Paladin System. Asked for our help with rescuing a lepidopteran friend of theirs that had been kidnapped by a parting ring during a supply run. And we agreed to help them, after getting some more information and doing some background checks. That’s how we met them, but I don’t know much personal information about them. Milor might know more, since he got frisky with Tinker on the way to Soiruxia.

HN: Is that so?

L: Yeah. Even though I told him not to. Point is, he might know a little more about them, since he was taking the time to get to know one of them a little better.

Witness Log 12764-11-23-Soiruxia-1841

Location: Vaunted Enclave, Eplekaker System

11/23/12764

Hunter Nochrin: So I understand you were familiar with the two elves that ended up leading you and your friends into this trap.

Milor: Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I played with the elf and got burned. I’m never gonna hear the end of it after this.

HN: You were close with one of them, then?

M: Yeah, you could say that.

HN: How close, exactly?

M: …

HN: …

M: …you’re trying to get at something here, aren’t you.

HN: Well, this is a deposition.

M: Obviously, and I’m nowhere near as drunk as I need to be to deal with it. Let’s have out with it, then. Are you going to try to accuse me of conspiring with the elves to make this whole fiasco happen?

HN: Well, did you?

M: Look buddy, just because I was in one of the elves a couple times doesn’t mean I was in on their skeezy little plot. I’m a simple guy; I see a pretty elf, I offer her drink and drop a couple o’ lines. And if she’s down to clown, well then, I’d be a fool for not followin’ through, wouldn’t I?

HN: I think that would be a matter of opinion…

M: An opinion I think you’d agree with if you saw what Tinker looked like. Y’all got any Venusian vintage hanging around? I need it after the last forty-eight hours I’ve had.

HN: We don’t provide alcohol during depositions.

M: Figured. Real shame.

HN: I do have some more questions for you, though. So you were intimate with one of these elves, then? The one called Tinker?

M: Look, it was a fling. I didn’t know her all that well; it was just something fun for us to do while we were on our way to Soiruxia. I mean, I suppose in retrospect, it kinda makes sense; usually the ladies make me work for it a bit more before the score…

HN: So you think that this intimacy with Tinker was a strategic decision on her part, rather than a spontaneous entanglement?

M: Seems that way, now that I think on it. Though, in my defense, elves from the colonies aren’t as stingy with their love as other elves. Ranters are usually pretty relaxed about that.

HN: And you say you were intimate with her at least twice?

M: There a reason you’re askin’?

HN: I figured that you might have more insight into these elves, or at least the one you were intimate with. Especially if it was more than once. Typically you don’t go to bed with someone without knowing at least a little more about them than others would.

M: So you’re askin’ me for her motive.

HN: Figured you’d probably be able to intuit it better than the rest of your friends, given your proximity to her.

M: I haven’t the damnedest. Could be money, could be loyalty to some group. She kept up appearances on the way there; all I ever knew about her is that she was worried for her lepi friend, and we were helping rescue her. After we escaped the warehouse, Tink and Amagi had both cleared out. They weren’t at the place we’d agreed to meet afterwards, and both the numbers we had for them were dead. They just disappeared into thin air, which to me, says that this was always the plan — send us to the redcoats’ trap, and hightail it out of there before they saw the end of it.

HN: So you think they split as soon as they got their payoff for their involvement in the scheme.

M: Sure seems that way to me.

HN: Sounds like a classic femme fatale.

M: Well, she wouldn’t be the first one I’ve been mixed up with. Probably won’t be the last one either.

HN: Oh?

M: Elves, vamps, and wereckanan, my friend. They live a long time. And when you live a long time, you usually collect a lot of experience in the bedroom. It’s not easy to turn that down.

HN: So you don’t regret your entanglement with this… Tinker?

M: I regret not catching on to her lies, but you won’t catch me complaining about the roll in the hay.

HN: What about the rest of your group? Were any of them involved with either of the elves?

M: What? No. Gods, no. The Cyber and the blonde are too busy makin’ strawberry lemonade, the necromancer doesn’t have a seductive bone in his body, and the witchling’s a fluff-huffin’ fox-fluffer.

HN: I’m sorry, you’re going to have to clarify each of those for me. And a necromancer? No one’s mentioned a necromancer until now…

M: Ah, you don’t need to worry about Ozzy. As necromancers go, he didn’t exactly graduate from the college of supervillains. Dude would probably forget his head if it wasn’t screwed to his shoulders. We’ve kinda got ‘im on probation right now; deal is that he can travel with us and help with assignments so long as he doesn’t do any necromancy shenanigans. Unless we tell him to.

HN: Unless you tell him to?

M: Hey, having a necromancer in your back pocket never hurts, right? It’s a nice card to have up your sleeve in case you ever get into a tight situation.

HN: Can’t say I’ve ever thought of a necromancer as a potential asset. And you said you had a Cyber in your group?

M: Yeah, that’s Dandy. Ship’s adjutant. She’s a real sweet girl, got a heart of gold. Still working on her social interaction, but she’s gettin’ there. Can’t really fault her, since her social inhibitors were throttling her behavior until a year ago.

HN: I understand she came planetside to provide support in the wake of the kidnapping?

M: That, and to help with the logistics. Filing the missing persons report, figuring out next steps. She’s good in a crisis; she stays on track in the middle of stuff that would derail most other people.

HN: And I understand she was the one that did the background checks on the two elves that you say led you into this trap?

M: As much of a background check as you can do on Ranters. You know how it goes since the Diaspora isn’t part of the Colloquium.

HN: Yes, the Vaunted are quite familiar with that…

Witness Log 12764-11-23-Soiruxia-1842

Location: Vaunted Enclave, Eplekaker System

11/23/12764

Hunter Nochrin: And nothing turned up in the background check that would warrant suspicion?

Dandelion: Nothing that I could find. But I only have access to civilian tools for background checks. Typically I perform an initial background check on individuals, and if they pass inspection, I forward the information to CURSE to do a second pass with surveillance-grade digital forensic tools. They have intelligence-sharing agreements with the security apparati of various large nations and security groups such as the Vaunted, which allows them limited access to each other’s threat databases. This makes it easier for everyone involved in the network to identify criminal actors — but I do not have access to those tools or that intelligence network.

HN: Did you not forward the information on the elves to CURSE? I understand that your group is contracted with them.

D: This attempted rescue mission was not approved by CURSE. Undertakings like this require research, review, and risk assessment by CURSE’s intelligence department, which takes time. Based on the information that was given to us by the elves, and our own experience in matters of the arcane black market, we knew that waiting for CURSE approval would mean that the lepidopteran that the elves wanted us to save would likely be dead by the time we received the greenlight from CURSE. We asked CURSE for expedited approval, but they refused to grant it; however, they stated that we could pursue it as an independent project, if we so desired.

HN: …so how is that different from approval? They let you go on this rescue mission anyway.

D: The difference is that CURSE is not giving us the assignment, and not telling us what to do. An independent project is something that contractors undertake of their own accord, using their own resources; CURSE assumes no liability or responsibility for anything that occurs in the course of an independent project, and provides the contractors no resources with which to accomplish it. Any legal liability incurred during the course of an independent project is assumed by the contractor, and will not be taken up by CURSE, as the project occurred outside of their purview and oversight.

HN: So this is basically a free-time project. What you do on your own time is your responsibility, not the responsibility of your employer.

D: In layman’s terms, yes.

HN: Except you were deceived by the elves, and led into a trap. And if you’d waited for CURSE to review and research the request, you might’ve found that you were being lied to.

D: Possibly. We cannot know, with certainty, what might’ve happened. We were given a scenario in which delayed action would have theoretically cost a life. That influenced the decisions that the group made, and the elves were likely aware that the scenario they presented would affect how we reacted to their request for aid.

HN: In other words, you’re admitting that they played you and your friends like a fiddle.

D: We were manipulated, yes.

HN: Well, had you waited for CURSE to vet your request and do a background check on the bleeding hearts that were asking you for help, this might not have happened.

D: We do not know that with surety. Ranters are notoriously difficult to background check, as most of the Diaspora’s colonies do not cooperate with the Colloquium.

HN: True — but that doesn’t mean we don’t maintain profiles of problematic Ranters that rove in and out of Colloquium space. These elven acquaintances of yours are in the Vaunted threat database, and they would’ve come up on CURSE’s radar had you allowed them time to do a background check. We are familiar with Tinker and Amagi; they run Tinkerbelles, a roving potion shop that carries ingredients and concoctions that are illegal or restricted in Colloquium space, and often sourced from the black market.

D: If they are in your threat database, then I assume you have built a profile on them and have some insight into their movements and behavior.

HN: We have built up something of a file on them, yes.

D: Then I presume the Vaunted are currently taking action on that file, or will be disclosing that information to us so we can pursue the issue in the absence of Vaunted action on the matter.

HN: I’m afraid I can’t comment on that at this time.

D: Then I’m afraid I cannot comment on anything further in this deposition.

HN: That’s not how this works; I still have a few questions about—

D: Will the Vaunted provision us with the file on Tinker and Amagi?

HN: That is not within my ability to approve or deny.

D: Then I can disclose no further information to you.

HN: You do realize that I’m a Vaunted Hunter, right? I am vested with the authority of the Colloquium to conduct investigations into matters of crime and broken laws.

D: Your priorities are not my priorities. My first priority is the protection and assistance of the crew of the Dandelion Drift. One of those crew members is presently missing. If you or the Vaunted are not working towards the recovery of that member, or providing me with the resources and information to do so, then I have no use for you.

HN: Hmm. Interesting. Well uh, lemme get back to you on that, then.

Witness Log 12764-11-23-Soiruxia-1841

Location: Vaunted Enclave, Eplekaker System

11/23/12764

Hunter Nochrin: So, about that Cyber girl, the ship adjutant…

Milor: Mm? Yeah?

HN: Wasn’t exactly cooperative.

M: Ah, heheheh. You tried to pull the galactic authority card on her, din’tja?

HN: As I understand it, most Cybers in partner organizations are softwired to comply with commands and requests from galactic authorities.

M: Yeah, Dandy’s special. She’s an old Challenger adjutant. First loyalty is to the crew of the Drift, not to galactic authorities.

HN: Very legalistic, too.

M: Ah, she was clinical and dry with you? That means she doesn’t like you. Or doesn’t trust you. Or both.

HN: Thought you said she was… and I quote, ‘a real sweet girl’.

M: Well, she is a real sweet gal, if she likes you, and trusts you. But something tells me she figured out you’re not tryin’ to help us get Fluffy McFoxtails back.

HN: The kidnapped morphox?

M: I’m guessing you haven’t gotten much out of the kid, either.

HN: The kid?

M: Jazel. The witchling. The one that’s been huffin’ the fox’s fluff.

HN: Mmmmm…

Witness Log 12764-11-23-Soiruxia-1843

Location: Vaunted Enclave, Eplekaker System

11/23/12764

Hunter Nochrin: Look, I would love to help you, but I can’t help you if you just sit there glaring at me.

Jazel: I am going to turn you inside out and feed your entrails to my vorcruelians if you don’t let me out of this room in the next thirty seconds.

HN: Alright, that’s progress, but if the first thing you say is threatening an employee of the galactic authority, you’re probably better off sticking to the silent treatment.

Jazel: WHERE THE HELL IS MY FOX?!

HN: I understand you’re a little upset—

Jazel: USELESS! YOU AND CURSE BOTH, YOU’RE ALL USELESS! GODDAMN, DO WE HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING OURSELVES?!

Witness Log 12764-11-23-Soiruxia-1841

Location: Vaunted Enclave, Eplekaker System

11/23/12764

Hunter Nochrin: …mm, yeah. He was a bit… emotional.

Milor: Of course he was. His girlfriend’s been kidnapped and he’s stuck in a deposition room instead of out there, figuring out who kidnapped her. I’d be hella torqued off if I was in his position.

HN: He seemed to harbor quite some animosity for CURSE, but Ms. Arrignis told me that you all are contracted with CURSE. That struck me as a little odd.

M: Well, last time this happened, CURSE did diddly-squat to help us, so it makes sense that the kid isn’t too fond of them, even if they’re writing the checks.

HN: Last time this happened? This has happened before?

M: Oh yeah. Earlier this year he was kidnapped by a soul-stealing sorcerer that ran a business on the Primsex. CURSE was next to useless when we asked them for help. They claimed it was because they were busy dealing with the Valiant, and a terrorist attack on the CURSE HQ, but I’m pretty sure it’s because we’re contractors and they don’t care about their contractors as much as they do direct employees. We ended up having to go rescue Jazel ourselves, since CURSE wouldn’t help us with it. Even though he was kidnapped while we were working a CURSE assignment.

HN: Hmm… yes, I suppose that does explain his remarks.

M: Did he say somethin’ spicy?

HN: Just that the Vaunted and CURSE were useless and he had to do everything himself.

M: That’s not spicy, that’s just the facts.

HN: You’re really not endearing yourself to anyone.

M: Just tellin’ it like it is. Hey, I get a phone call, right? 

HN: What’s your sudden interest in a phone call?

M: I wanna call someone.

HN: Obviously.

M: So am I gonna get my phone call or what?

HN: Are you sure? It’s going to be your only phone call.

M: Oh, I’m quite sure.

HN: And the line will be monitored.

M: That just makes it even better.

HN: Mmm… fine. Get up and follow me. You can have your phone call.

Monitored Audio

Soiruxia Vaunted Enclave to V.V. Grazer

Tashilo: This is Captain Tashilo speaking.

Milor: Hey carrots, long time, no talk.

T: Oh god, no.

M: Glad to hear your voice too.

T: Why are you calling me? Why does your caller ID show the Vaunted Enclave on Soiruxia?

M: Eh, well. Got into a bit of a mess here on Soiruxia. I’d say it’s nothing major, but it’s kinda major to some of the Drifters.

T: Gods, did you get arrested? You better not be calling me to get out of jail—

M: Whoa whoa whoa, pump the brakes, carrots. It’s more like… detained, they can’t put us in jail because we haven’t broken any laws. We just happened to be at the site of an incident where a warehouse got dropped into a lava lake—

T: You dropped a warehouse into a lava lake?!

M: We didn’t drop the warehouse into the lava lake, we just happened to be inside the warehouse when it happened. Damn near got us killed, too. Someone else was responsible for that, and I actually need to chat with you about that later. Also the warehouse was abandoned and decrepit, for what that’s worth.

T: Oh my god, I can’t even with you.

M: Hey! We’re the victims here! But your buddies here at Soiruxia’s Enclave can’t seem to get that through their head. And I’m not done yet — you know that morphox you were called to Vissengard to take care of?

T: I do, yes.

M: Ease up, darlin’, I can hear you grittin’ your teeth through the phone. So first things first, we managed to civilize her and she and the witchling are going steady now.

T: How charming.

M: Also, she got kidnapped yesterday while we were trapped in the warehouse that dropped into the lava lake.

T: …

M: So if you could tell your buddies over here to let us go so we can go rescue her, it’d be much appreciated.

T: Didn’t the witchling get kidnapped six months ago?

M: Eh, it was more like ten months ago, but yeah. Within the last year.

T: Two kidnappings in one year. I think your crew has a problem.

M: Look, it’s not like we enjoy dealing with kidnappings. The witchling barely survived being kidnapped, and now he’s all bent out of shape now that his fox has been kidnapped. We’d love to get help dealing with it, but I’ve got a feeling that we’re going to have to go it alone again because CURSE is CURSE. So anything you can do to help out — I’d really appreciate it.

T: You and yours are more trouble than they’re worth, you know that?

M: Look, Tash, they’re just kids.

T: Most of them are, what, late twenties?

M: Well, technically young adults, I guess, but to me they’re kids. I’m just doing my best to protect them.

T: [sighing] God, you’re such a pain in the ass…

M: So you’ll help us?

T: Only because I know you lot are a clownshow that would never break the law on purpose. Let me make a few calls. And you WILL be reporting to me later on so I can figure out exactly what it is you knuckleheads have gotten yourself into this time.

M: Of course, totally. Whatever you need us to do.

T: I need you to stay out of trouble. Got it?

M: Yes ma’am. No more trouble for the next couple of weeks, on my honor as a deputy.

T: Good. Now get off the line, I’ve got some calls to make. I’ll see you soon.

Witness Log 12764-11-23-Soiruxia-1841

Location: Vaunted Enclave, Eplekaker System

11/23/12764

Hunter Nochrin: …

Milor: …

HN: You know, technically we could have you on trespassing charges.

M: Now that’d just be petty.

HN: The Rujhad police are going to want answers, and you and your friends haven’t really provided much on that front.

M: Can’t speak for the others, but I told you all we know. We were tricked, got trapped, one of our people was kidnapped, our ambushers blew the shelf and dropped the warehouse into the lava lake, and we barely escaped with our lives. There ain’t much to tell beyond that. And let’s be honest, are you really gonna kick a dog while it’s down? We’re already dealing with the shock of having one of our friends kidnapped; are you really going to drop charges on top of that?

HN: Cry me a river. You have only yourselves to blame for not waiting for CURSE to review your request and the people that were making it.

M: I’ll give you that. But in our defense, we were just trying to help a couple of damsels in distress. An’ it seems to me that you’re trying to stall.

HN: What exactly did you do that got you in good with the captain of a patrol frigate?

M: I reckon it was my chivalrous behavior and charmin’ good looks.

HN: Right. And I married into the Venusian monarchy.

M: That’s the spirit. Any other questions you wanna ask before you send us on our way?

HN: Get outta here. And you better not make me regret this.

M: Too late; sounds like you already do.

HN: I do. Now git before I change my mind.

M: Don’t need to tell me twice. Alright, where’s a man need to go to pick up his adult children…

HN: Down the hall and to the left. The witchling can get his handcuffs and muzzle taken off at the front desk. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out.