September 2020

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Me: Are you my little monkey?

1yo: Oooh oooh ah ah! Nooooo!

Me: Are you my kitty?

1yo: Meow. Nooooo!

Me: Are you my puppy?

1yo (panting): Noooo!

Me: My dinosaur?

1yo: Rawr! Yes! RAWR!


3yo: Mommy! You're not dead!

Me: Nope! I am very much alive.

3yo: But just you wait!

Me: ...


3yo (singing, Frozen/Big Hero 6 Mashup): For the first time in foreeeverrrr, I am satisfied with myyy caaaaare!


Husband: Wait. Stop. What are you doing?

3yo: I'm streaming.

Husband: Mommy? Sweetheart? She started streaming on your PS4, all by herself. Are you okay with this?


Me: ...Why are you eating your sister's dinner?

3yo: I'm sharing hers with me!


Me: Are you having fun?

3yo: No, I'm having HUNGRY!


3yo: Woof! Woof!

Me: Are you a doggy?

3yo: I'm a changeling doggy! That means I'm a doggy that looks like a barking baby!


3yo: I missed your face.

Me: Awwww. That's so sweet! I missed you, too!

3yo: Let me try again! I'll kick it this time!


3yo (playing Elder Scrolls Online on my PS4): He wants a piece of me! I'm gonna give it to him!


3yo: Where's Daddy?

Me: I know, we traveled to Daddy, but he left Coldharbor while we were on the loading screen.

3yo: He's not in Coldharbor anymore? Oh! Is he in Warmharbor?


3yo: You need to put me in the car. I want you to take me to my cousins.

Me: You want to visit your cousins?

3yo: And celebrate them!


Me: The scale says you weigh 31.8 pounds.

3yo: Yay! How much to you weigh, Mommy?

Me: Guess.

3yo: Eight seventy one pounds!

Me: No, not that much.

3yo: Are you sure? Step on the scanner! Let's see!


3yo: Help me get to the living room.

Me: I will hold your hand while we walk there.

3yo: No! Carry me!

Me: You are perfectly capable of walking.

3yo: Nooooo! I have mosquito bites!


Me: Where's your nose?

1yo (pointing to nose): Nose!

Me: Where's your mouth?

1yo (pointing to mouth): Mouff!

Me: Where's your eyes?

1yo (pointing to self): Meeeeee!


3yo (watching Husband and I play Elder Scrolls Online): Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him Mommy!

Me: That's not very nice.

3yo: Kill him please?

Me (to husband): Maybe we need to play more co-op puzzle games instead?


3yo: Go away, bug! Find something else to play with!


Me: Are you... farting on me?

3yo: Not anymore!


Husband: That was not nice. You tripped up your little sister, on purpose.

3yo: No I didn't, Daddy. I tripped her down!


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