Me: Where does your food go when you swallow it?
3yo: In my food esophagus tube, in my belly, at the bottom of my butt.
Me: How's your bath?
1yo: I swimming! I swimming!
3yo: I'm swimming with my boobs in the water!
1yo: I have a cute butt!
3yo: Mine is fun to wash! Can I have scrubber ducky?
Kids (wrapped in blankets): RAWR!
Me: Aaaaah!
Husband: Oh no! Blanket monsters!
Me: Oh no!
1yo: Blanket monsters!
3yo: We're not monsters. We're just wandering around, looking for food. Like you!
1yo: God bless me! God bless Sissy! God bless Daddy! God bless Mommy's nipples!
My husband and my 3yo are currently arguing the difference between a "waterfall" and a "water feature" and I just can't even right now.
All: God bless...
Me: Who would you like to bless?
1yo: Wash hands!
Me: God bless all the people who wash their hands?
1yo: Yeah!
3yo: And God bless all the people who can't see their families because they are fighting the virus!
Daycare Assessment:
3yo is a strong willed child but also a loving child. She enjoys playing with her friends but needs to understand that her friends have the right to make their own choices and that she cannot tell them what to do.
Me (hugging the kids): I love you both!
3yo: No! I'm not a puppet!
Me: ...?
3yo: Humperdink!
Husband: Aaah!
3yo: Humperdink! Humperdink!
Husband: Don't say that name!
3yo: Humperdink!
Husband (running away): I'm not listening!
3yo (giving chase): Humperdink! Humperdink!
Husband: She said the name!
3yo: Humperdink!
Husband: She said it again!
Me: Did you sleep well?
3yo: Yeah.
Me: Did you have good dreams?
3yo: Yes!
Me: What did you dream about?
3yo: Happiness.
*Watching Stargate Universe with the kids.*
Me: The aliens took her!
3yo: And turned her into a ship?
Me: No, this is Stargate, not Babylon 5. They're not the Shadows.
3yo: It's not Babylon 5, it's Babylon 4!
3yo: Daddy, yours can be ours, because you can share it with me!
3yo (soothing upset 1yo): Does Mommy love you? Does she keep you safe? I trust you, and you trust me! I love you to my heart, always. Is that okay?
3yo (getting dressed): I can't do this!
Me: I can help you.
3yo: No! I don't want your help, I want 1yo to help me!
1yo (running over from the opposite side of the house): I help! I help! I help Sissy!
3yo (crying in the living room with husband, protesting bedtime): I want a hug!
1yo (in the bedroom with me, originally mostly asleep, now sitting up, wide awake): Hug! Sissy! I hug!
3yo: Whatcha doin', Mommy?
Me: I'm eating ice cream.
3yo: Can I help?
Me: You already ate all yours. This is mine.
3yo: But I want to help!
Me: You have my heart. You have your little fingers all wrapped around it.
1yo: I do!!!
Me: Whatcha gonna do with it?
1yo: I... Ummmmm... Huh.
Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
3yo: I'm not going to grow up! I'm going to grow down until I'm like 1yo!
Me: Are girls as good as boys?
3yo: Yeah!
Me: Should people treat girls like they're as good as boys?
3yo: Yes. Silly Mommy.
Me: Do girls need a boy to take care of them?
3yo: No!
Me: You're a feminist.
3yo: No, I just like girl talk.
1yo: Mask! Mask! Mask!
Me: Aunt J is buying a house this week.
3yo: Awwww. For me?
3yo: *Pretending to talk on the phone.*
3yo: Mommy, can I call the pizza guy?
Me: Sure.
3yo: Hi Pizza Guy! I love you! Can you come visit me again soon?
Instead of the tooth fairy, my kids love he pizza fairy that visits many Fridays. Many months ago, we knew 1yo could take her first steps, but she was too afraid to try. And then we ordered pizza.
When it arrived, she forgot her fear and marched into the kitchen after Husband, shouting "Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!"
3yo: Can we watch the squirrel movie?
Husband: It's not your turn to pick today.
3yo: Is it your turn to pick? Can you pick the movie I want to watch?
